perfidy

Johnny Ramone is dying. He has been fighting prostate cancer, which has now gone nuclear and metastasized throughout his system.

"Johnny's been a champ in confronting this, but at this point I think the chances are slim," Marky Ramone said in the report. "John never smoked cigarettes, he wasn't a heavy drinker and he was always into his health. It just proves when cancer seeks a body to penetrate, it doesn't matter how healthy you are or how unhealthy you are. It just seeps in and there's nothing you can do."

The greats are dropping like flies these days. It's inevitable; death will get us all, but one of the facts of life is that some things never get easier. The Flaming Lips, one of my favorite bands, have a line in their song "Fight Test" that for me sums up everything you need to know about growing up: "I'm a man, not a boy/ But there's things you can't avoid/ You have to face them/ When you're not prepared to face them." Even if it's a rock star you never met, some things never get easier.

Here would be the time when I typically launch into an extended rapturous encomium for Johnny (before the fight has even gone out of the guy, I'm such a ghoul), but since I've been doing that too much recently so's that people might think I have a thing for rock star deaths or something, I'm going to shut the hell up for a change. We all know who Johnny Ramone is, what he did, and why he's great. Right?

What the weeping hey has this country come to?

Yesterday [actually, March 23... as commenter Patrick Fleury wonders, 'God alone knows why it did not hit the news then.'] a bipartisan group of Congressmen-- US Congressmen-- attended a ceremony in which the Reverend Sum Yung Moon was crowned Emperor of America.

Cut to the ritual. Eyes downcast, a man identified as Congressman Danny K. Davis (D-Ill.) is bringing a crown, atop a velvety purple cushion, to a figure who stands waiting austerely with his wife. Now Moon is wearing robes that Louis XIV would have appreciated. All of this has quickly been spliced into a promo reel by Moon's movement, which implies to its followers that the U.S. Congress itself has crowned the Washington Times owner.

But Section 9 of the Constitution forbids giving out titles of nobility, setting a certain tone that might have made the Congressional hosts shy about celebrating the coronation on their websites. They included conservatives, the traditional fans of Moon's newspaper: Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Rep. Curt Weldon (R-PA.), Rep. Chris Cannon (R-Utah), Rep. Roscoe Bartlett (R-Md.) and Republican strategy god Charlie Black, whose PR firm represents Ahmed Chalabi’s Iraqi National Congress. But there were also liberal House Democrats like Sanford Bishop (D-Ga.) and Davis. Rep. Harold Ford (D-Tenn.) later told the Memphis Flyer that he'd been erroneously listed on the program, but had never heard of the event, which was sponsored by the Washington Times Foundation.

Rep. Curt Weldon's office tenaciously denied that the Congressman was there, before being provided by The Gadflyer with a photo depicting Weldon at the event, found on Moon's website. "Apparently he was there, but we really had nothing to do with it," press secretary Angela Sowa finally conceded. "I don't think it's quite accurate that the Washington Times said that we hosted the event. We may have been a Congressional co-host, but we have nothing to do with the agenda, the organization, the scheduling, and our role would be limited explicitly to the attendance of the Congressman. . . ."

The spokeswoman for one senator, who asked that her boss not be named, said politicians weren't told the awards program was going to be a Moon event. The senator went, she said, because the Ambassadors promised to hand out awards to people from his home state, people who were genuinely accomplished. When the ceremony morphed into a platform for Moon, she said, people were disconcerted.

"I think there was a mass exodus," she said. "They get all these senators on the floor, and this freak is there."

And yet, they stayed. Goddamn great. For pix, including face-shots of sitting Senators participating in a ceremony crowning a right-wing moonbat Emperor of these here United States, go here.

I always say that Washington can't get any worse, or any weirder. I must be a man of faith because time and again I'm proven to be wrong, wrong, wrong and yet I persist.

[wik] And that's the problem with emperors. Almost two months he's been emperor, and... what? Nothing! No largesse, no continental royal progresses, not even any beheadings or indulgences granted. I demand a recount!

BIG!, the Discovery Channel's new entry into the increasingly crowded TV genre of people working hard while we all watch them, is airing the big guitar episode tonight. Go to the sight, work the tabs, read all about it: 31 feet long. 14 foot fretboard. Giant pickups designed by pickup stud Seymour Duncan. And a bigass amp to play it through to boot.

This project is a curious intersection of cool- guitars, big amps, heavy gear; and dorky- because only a total dork would ever crave a 31 foot guitar. I will add that Peter Frampton somehow plays the thing in the finale. I leave it to you, gentle reader, to decide which side of the intersection that fact lies.

Begging to Differ has been following the development of a new reality-type music show, called "Rock Star." Produced by Survivor Svengali Mark Burnett, the show will follow the efforts of contestants to earn the job of lead singer for Australian nostalgia act INXS. There'll be an album, maybe a tour, an onerous and unprofitable contract and everything!

Not to be crass, but, to be a little crass, INXS are notable in the annals of Rock Deaths for being the only band known to include a member who died of autoerotic asphyxiation. Out of a panopoly of choices: the boring old OD; choked on vomit; choked on someone else's vomit; electrocution; stabbed by father; wrapped car around abutment on the M1; riding in car with Motley Crue; died under mysterious circumstances, body stolen and burned in desert; shot in own home; heart attack on stage; plane crash; helicopter crash; plane crash in fright wig (Chase); murder-suicide, INXS are unique. (With apologies to Greil Marcus.)

That's quite an achievement and some serious shoes to fill. I wonder if the competition will include a psychological profiling of the contestants? Given the media's need to sell papers and latch eyeballs, I wouldn't be surprised if in the next few weeks we are all reminded repeatedly of the tawdry and tragic circumstances surrounding the death of Michael Hutchence. Of course, I'm getting the ball rolling here and now, but that's only because I am a follower of Rock Deaths and found this one to be particularly remarkable.

I only have one question. Rock star? INXS? There's plenty of bands out there in need of a lead singer. Both Van Halen and a reformed, Axl-less Guns & Roses would make for better TV than would INXS. But that wouldn't be a wholesome yet manky Mark Burnett production, now would it? May the, um... best... singer "win."

[wik] BTD Greg helpfully corrects my terminology: it's "autoerotic asphyxiation" not "erotic autoasphyxiation."

Cincinnatti resident and Somalia native Nuradin Abdi has been nabbed while trying to lay down some P-Funk, uncut funk, The Bomb, namely trying to tear the roof off a mall in the Columbus, Ohio area.

A resident of the hometown of prime funkateer and latter-day crackhead George Clinton, Suspected terrorist Abdi appears to be an adherent of a sect whose members are the greatest threat to peace and mass funkatization facing the world today. Led by noted killjoys such as Osama bin Ladin and known to the Clone Funk Army as followers of the Heresy of a Groove World Order, Abdi and his brothers-in-arms break with the Funkadelphian orthodoxy of One Nation Under A Groove, misinterpreting that message of Hardcore Jollies to mean One World under ONE Groove, a decidedy unfunky situation where noses grow, motor booty goes unshaken, and the whole world must bend to the will of the cobwebbed minds and tightly wound spines of the Groove World Order.

The GWO has done a number on such formerly funky places as Afghanistan, Syria, Ethiopia, and Sudan, laid low the twin towers of the Wizard of Finance, and have even made inroads in Egypt, where the secrets of Clone Funk lie hidden beneath the pyramids until such time as humanity is ready to have the cobwebs blown out its collective mind by that most ancient of wisdoms. Their music must be stopped before the funk is fully faked and we all march as one to the pi-sided rhythm of the Groove World Order's dead-minded dance.

It is a shame that in the war to keep the Flashlight lit and the Aquaboogie wet, we must partner with such unfunky freaks as John Ashcroft, but for the time being he is doing funk's work and funk must recognize that.

Stank you very much, John Ashcroft, for keeping Ohio funky.

Andrew Sullivan is leaning increasingly on the administration, particularly on the issue of torture. Being a right-wing writer, he describes being "inundated" with emails that are pro-torture. That is disturbing in and of itself, but I don't think we should come down too hard on his readers just yet. The question has not been correctly framed for them.

Most justifications for torture read something like this: If, by torturing an Al Qaeda member, we can gain information that will save hundreds or thousands of lives that might be lost in a terrorist attack, do we not have an obligation to do so?

This is not the correct question. The correct question is this:

Should we torture hundreds or thousands of people, not knowing with certainty if they are Al Qaeda, in order to gain information that might prevent hundreds or thousands of deaths in a terrorist attack?

The use of power is rarely confined to a single incident. Once torture is an deemed acceptable in certain circumstances, those circumstances have a way of enlarging and changing. Should torture only be used against known terrorists? Who makes that determination? And what is a "known terrorist" anyway? The government is vigorously pursuing prosecution of persons it deems to have supported terrorism. I have no problem with the legitimate prosecution of real supporters, but a recent case comes to mind.

In that case, a Saudi named Sami Omar Al-Hussayen, 34 years old, studying for his doctorate in Computer Science here in the US on a student visa, was prosecuted for "supporting terrorism", when he created a web site and discussion forum for Islam. On this forum, speech was engaged in and comments for and against terrorism flowed back and forth. My knowledge of this case is limited, but I do know that he was acquitted of the charge of supporting terrorism.

"There was a lack of hard evidence," said John Steger, a retired U.S. Forest Service employee who was the only juror to discuss the case publicly. "There was no clear-cut evidence that said he was a terrorist, so it was all on inference."
Steger called the First Amendment aspects of the case important to the verdict, citing Lodge's instruction that the Constitution protects speech even if it advocates the use of force or violation of the law unless imminent lawlessness occurs.

"What the First Amendment actually meant was more extensive than I thought," Steger said. "I was surprised that people could say whatever they wanted."

Justice Department officials in Washington, D.C., declined comment on the acquittal. But U.S. Attorney Tom Moss in Idaho said it would not deter future attempts to bring people supporting terrorists into court.

"We'll continue to go after people who support terrorist activities," Moss said. "You don't just need people who will strap on bombs and walk into crowds. You need people to support them. For terrorism to flourish, they have to have a communications network. . . . This was a case as prosecutors we're expected to pursue."

The government prosecuted him for supporting terrorism. Setting aside issues of free speech, should that same government also have a ability to torture him to gain more information? Is this man a terrorist or not? The government thought so; it prosecuted him for supporting terrorism.

Under the Bush torture doctrine, this man could have been tortured. This torture would have been performed away from the watchful eye of any court, or any check and balance.

A court found him not guilty. It is sobering to juxtapose the horror of torture, the willingness and desire of an administration to use it, the declarations and decisions of an administration that it is above the law and that it retains executive privilege to do what it deems necessary without review or consequence, and the decision of a jury of peers that a man is not a supporter of terrorism.

It seems that our court system serves a purpose after all. The founding fathers were correct to provide checks and balances between the branches of government.

Bad things happen to good people. You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. Would you torture one terrorist? The lazy comfort of black and white is held before us, a temptation...

This slippery slope is the one that matters.

Sami Omar Al-Hussayen is still being prosecuted by the government on immigration charges intended to deport him, based on the theory that his student visa entitled him only to study while in the US; as a foreigner, he did not have the right to speak his mind, create a web site, or engage in discussion.

What right to free speech do I have?

Eric Marciano, daring filmmaker, swashbuckling adventurer, and true-blue, apple-pie (with zabaglione or gelato) loving yet gently demented American presents a showing of his films Narrowcast and The Age of Insects.

Tuesday, 15 June, 7 pm, the Two Boots Pioneer Theater, 155 East 3rd St (at Ave A).

Joe Bob Briggs considers "The Age of Insects", "the 'Citizen Cane' of underground films". Take your rosebud downtown and check 'em out.

Radio has come full circle, and we're back to the good old days.

During a single week in May, Canadian pop rocker Avril Lavigne's new song Don't Tell Me aired no fewer than 109 times on Nashville radio station WQZQ-FM.

The heaviest rotation came between midnight and 6 a.m., an on-air no man's land visited largely by insomniacs, truckers and graveyard shift workers. On one Sunday morning, the three-minute, 24-second song aired 18 times, sometimes as little as 11 minutes apart.

Those plays, or "spins," helped Don't Tell Me vault into the elite top 10 on Billboard magazine's national pop radio chart, which radio program directors across the country use to spot hot new tunes.

But what many chart watchers may not know is that the predawn saturation in Nashville — and elsewhere — occurred largely because Arista Records paid the station to play the song as an advertisement. In all, sources said, WQZQ aired Don't Tell Me as an ad at least 40 times the week ending May 23, accounting for more than one-third of the song's airplay on the station.

The Don't Tell Me campaign is part of the latest craze in record promotion, a high-pressure part of the music business in which the labels try to influence which songs reach the air. . . .

In the latest twist, it's the radio stations themselves that have been reaching out to the labels, offering to play songs in the form of ads, often in the early morning hours when there tends to be an excess inventory of airtime. The practice is legal as long as the station makes an on-air disclosure of the label's sponsorship — typically with an introduction such as "And now, Avril Lavigne's Don't Tell Me, presented by Arista Records."

To be sure, Don't Tell Me is a bona fide hit, even without spins being bought and paid for. Radio stations must play a song many thousands of times for it to crack the Billboard top 10. Nonetheless, a few hundred spins here and there can move a song up a place or two in the rankings — and ensure that it is climbing rather than falling on the charts.

Now, don't blame the labels, at least not totally. The second a record loses spins, BAM! it's history. At least now they're being up-front about everything.

Man. What's next-- poodle skirts?

And what a thin and bony pair o' women ye'll be!

Happy birthday to the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Phenomenon Worldwide Enterprises Ltd., who turn 18 this weekend.

AND they just graduated high school!

I'm sure we're all so very, very proud.

I like to make fun of Detroit. As an Ohioan from outside Akron with a soft spot for Pittsburgh, part of it is a friendly rust-belt rivalry. Hey, Motor City! Look at us! Our economies aren't tanking! Neener, neener, neener!

But the rest of it is that Detroit is the armpit of America, and they can't even be relaxed about it. Jimmy Kimmel's show has been pulled off the air in the Detroit area (not that anybody would notice) because during halftime at at Lakers-Pistons playoffs game, he said "They're going to burn the city of Detroit down if the Pistons win, and it's not worth it."

Why is everyone so damn sensitive? I'd tell Detroit to buy a helmet, but I think it might be too late. Brain damage is permanent.