I'm Batman

Via time-wasting Ted, this wonderful quiz:

What action hero are you?

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Batman, the Dark Knight

 

83%

James Bond, Agent 007

 

79%

Captain Jack Sparrow

 

75%

Indiana Jones

 

75%

William Wallace

 

71%

Lara Croft

 

71%

The Terminator

 

71%

The Amazing Spider-Man

 

67%

Neo, the "One"

 

67%

Maximus

 

67%

El Zorro

 

46%

For once, a accurate web quiz. It ranked those heroes more or as I would have if someone simply asked me to list those superheroes by order of preference. My only quibble? I would have ranked Maximus a bit higher. At least I wouldn't be wearing a skirt like Rocket Jones.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 6

The First Rule of Politics

... is that "all politics is local." It's true. With a few key exceptions (namely issues like abortion that transcend politics), the important political games play out at the local level. The national scene would not look the way it does, and most House of Representatives seats would not be safe, if local election district boundaries were not so tortuously drawn so as to pry neighbor from neighbor.

Politics is local, which makes heavy breathing about how the Virginia governers' race and the defeat of the Governator's ballot initiatives more than a little silly. Yesterday's elections weren't really about George Bush, except in a vague sense. They were about thing that matter to Virginians, Californians, Jersey Devils, Pennsylvanians, and Mainers. On more hot-button issues, like whether or not to let gays become more than just "butt-buddies" (thanks, South Park!), Maine and Texas voted their local preferences and came out on opposite sides of the issue. In Pennsylvania, a town purged their school board of crypto-creationists, while the state of Kansas opted to embrace the teaching of intelligent design in science classes (sadly, no word on whether the Exalted Spaghetti Monster is part of the curriculum.)

It's almost as if we live in a country made up of a large number of semiautonomous bodies that jealously guard their regional values and identities or something!

All yesterday proved is that Democrats can rule a Republican state well, that people care more about their sidewalks, neighborhoods, and children than they do national agendas, and that the New York Times continues to suck wind.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 2

Update

In preparation for future the intense, jaw dropping action that is to come, a small change has been made to the last paragraph of chapter five.

[wik] Before undertaking this craziness, I never would have imagined that one could spend two hours describing events that take less than thirty five seconds.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Many are chosen, few are called

The Ministry is loath to admit that updates to the blogroll have been too long overlooked. Nevertheless, the Ministry is making a clean slate by severely chastising those at the lower levels of Ministry Information Management services who have been deemed responsible for gross negligence and dereliction of duty. Entirely new lackeys and yesmen have been acquired and are even now cleaning up the sticky reddish-gray gore that is the sole earthly remains of their predecessors.

Meanwhile, the troglodytes and gnomes chained to the rock face of the Ministry's proprietary HTML mines have been working even harder than their usual twenty hour days to bring you a slew of hand crafted links worthy of your perusal.

To wit, a summary of the changes that have been made:

  • EDog, long an aspirant to Ministry Crony status, has been granted his fondest wish and added to that august body. Ministry combat auditors deemed that his constant emailing of links was a major factor in his elevation, but his crowning achievement was suckering Minister Buckethead into joining the National Novel Writing Month. Anyone capable of this sort of trickery deserves a seat by the fire at the Ministry bunker and catastratorium come the end of days.
  • The Ministry's crack legion of combat auditors noticed, whilst approving EDog's supplication, that there was in fact a great deal of dead weight on the cronies list. Two blogs, whose authors have been assimilated into the Ministry, were still occupying valuable real estate. Henceforth, Spiral Dive and Opinion8 are stricken from the list.
  • Seeing that so much had been left undone on the Cronies list, a high level review was instigated at the highest levels of the Ministry. It was quickly determined that three members of the Top Five list were no longer actively blogging. Intolerable! A Small Victory, Porphyrogenitus, and The Spoons Experience were immediately placed on injured reserve status.
  • Of course, this swift action left three open slots on the Top Five list. Such messiness being intolerable to the clean and orderly minds of the Ministry, three candidates were propelled into the most selective blogroll in the sphere: Gary Farber, Ezra Klein, and Naked Villainy. The Maximum Leader probably owes Buckethead a beer, now.
  • Swiftly, like fire or unrest in third world capitals like Paris, the random purges and unfair promotions unfolded. Next to be hit was the Ministry Legion of Merit. Determined MIA or on Hiatus were the Airborne Combat Engineer, The Allah Pundit and Rachel Lucas. Receiving the seven-orbed, five spiky-thinged copper-plated medallion of the legion are: Hubs and Spokes, Austin Bay Blog, Scrappleface, The Unpopulist, Hell in a Handbasket, The Fourth Rail, and Froggy Ruminations. James of Hell in a Handbasket received special consideration because he lives in Columbus, Ohio. Froggy gets on because he could likely kill us all. Marc gets the nod despite living in Michigan.
  • Lastly, the links to Protein Wisdom and the Belmont Club are finally the correct ones. And though the link to Allah Pundit's old site now goes instead to a pathetic pr0n site, the Ministry includes it for mawkish and sentimental reasons.

This Message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy
Thank You for Your Co-operation

Posted by Ministry Ministry on   |   § 2

This just in: Sky is blue; trees, green.

Murdoc Online has some discussion and links regarding a WaPo article that makes the astonishing claim that poor kids enlist because- hold onto your hats- it's the best opportunity for them. The article reports that 44% of enlistees- presumably across all service branches- are from rural areas and also reside in zip codes where incomes are below the national average.

The firm that did the zip code study, comparing residency data to economic data to enlistment data, was conducted by the National Priorities Project, a "nonpartisan research group" in Northampton, MA. For readers unfamiliar with the area, Northampton is a town that celebrates diversity by stifling or ridiculing any thought to the right of Karl Marx. Everything that happens there is charged with politics and opinion; nothing is "nonpartisan"; you're lucky to get a meal there without being exposed to another fuckwitted conspiracy theory, or walk down the street without having to dodge protestors of some sort. You could always go to the NPP site and see the groups it links to (Greenpeace, moveon.org) if you think I'm making it up. I find the concept of their project fairly clever, and that's enough; don't blow smoke up my ass by telling me it's non-partisan.

So between this clearly partisan organization and the crack, fair-minded journalists at the Post, we get the vibe that the military exists as a vehicle to kill off poor people in a perpetual class war. Yawn.

Now, everyone associated with the Ministry knows I was active duty Army from 1989-1993. When I enlisted I was living in rural Massachusetts, so far culturally and geographically from true opportunity I might as well have lived on the Moon. It's a place where when the Wal Mart finally came, it was the biggest employment opportunity in the area since the paper mills closed in the '60s. It's a place where a good job is $12 an hour on first shift, with mandatory witholding of 1% of pay for a company retirement plan that the company doesn't contribute to. I know what it means to buy food at the corner convenience store with food stamps. I know what "welfare cheese" looks, tastes, and feels like. And even though I'm 1,000 miles away from the places in the WaPo article, culturally I'm their neighbor.

I know firsthand why young poor people enlist. It's the only way out.

Thinking back, of the hundreds of soldiers I was privileged to meet, and the dozens I was lucky enough to serve directly with, I think 44% of them being from rural nowheres was low. The list of servicemembers from Manhattan or Chicago's gold coast is pretty short, and even in my era I remember thinking that if we plotted all our hometowns on a map, and connected the points, that they would sketch borders around properous parts of the country. Most of the men I served with were from towns I never heard of in states I never really believed existed: Dullard, NY. Shitheel, MI. Huyuk, WV. Nowhere, NM. Las Vegas, NV.

It's too bad that the Post chose this moment to report this astonishing fact, that poor people compose a large portion of the services. If more of their writers had ever served in uniform, instead of jerking off at Columbia's journalism school for a couple years, they might have found out long ago that for alot of people in this country, the military is a viable, acceptable, even -gasp- honorable way to get where they want to be in life.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 7

So how about them French?

What war on terror?

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling just a little bit of schadenfreude right now. Twelve days and counting, and now it's spread to over 300 cities, and beyond France's borders. If this goes on, it could have even larger effects than 9/11 did here in the states. There are five million muslims in France. France will have to act very deftly - on the one hand, they can't afford to piss off all the muslims. On the other hand, they can't afford to be perceived as capitulating or appeasing the muslims - it would both incite them, and the 20% of the electorate that voted for le Pen in the last election.

Maybe inviting all of those Algerians in, and then pushing them off into ghettoes wasn't really the best idea after all.

[wik] Useful link round-up at the Blogs of War, and especially clever commentary here, here and here.

[alsø wik] Oh, and here, where I got most of the links above. Hit Drudge or google news for the updates, obviously. I'm going to take a break from other things and look at Strategypage.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

OODA Loop

I couldn't remember the exact composition of the OODA loop when I was writing my novel earlier. I found this nifty webpage that lays it all out, with a pretty picture.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Alle ist in ordnung

I know that I just posted chapter five, and have not yet posted chapter four. Baby's story is coming together more quickly and completely in my head; and I know exactly what is going to happen to her, and oscar, and the taskgroup over the next hour. Back with the captain, I have a only a vague idea, so I think I'll let him slide a bit in the interest of getting words on paper. (Although I did write a chapter near the end with him, but that's maybe chapter 90 or something, and I don't want to get that far out of whack.) Total published words is up to 3314, or twenty words short of where I should have been at the end of day two. I have another thousand or so written - but which is too far out of sequence to be published right this moment. I really need to pick up the pace.

Sometime soon, I'll start putting links in at the end of the chapters to allow easier navigation. For starters, the start of the story is here.

[wik] And from Dawn via Rocket Jones, I added a writing Progress 'O Meter to the right sidebar. I hope my cobloggers don't mind me hogging up valuable blog real estate with my vanity project.

[alsø alsø wik] Look at me! Look at me!

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Chapter Five

Baby drifts toward oscar-5 at a speed that is a small, but still significant fraction of the speed of light. The light of three suns is joined by the distant and fading glimmer of twelve small stars that once were populous worlds, and more recently targets of fleet RKVs. Here in the dim reaches of the Proxima's Kuiper Belt, that amounts to one small notch above total darkness.

Sensor take from the hk's ansibles back and forth, and Baby's dense processor matrix distills the raw data into a cetacean-amenable worldview. Light and heat, gravity and neutrinos are to her as sound once was, the window through which the world impinges on her consciousness. That the senses are different means little, nor the fact that they are filtered first through vastly more computing power than the entire world possessed when first man flew in space.

Now that she is closer, she again begins to see emissions from oscar. Two orders of magnitude lower than before, but at this range easily detectable to baby's exquisitely tuned senses. No heavy neutrino pulses that would indicate large power sources. No evidence of ultradense matter. No sign at all that the target is anything other than a hapless slowmover. Baby is by nature cautious, no matter what the walking squids in tacops feel. Caution, then application of extreme firepower. It is a lesson that many human warriors have learned, and one that baby learned from her mother's milk. Of course, she used different weapons, then.

Within herself, some of her new weapons are waking. Fleet tacops wants a softkill. Hunting is joyful, always, but Baby has come to relish the bright glorious release of the hardkill. The masked actinic glare of antimatter penetrators detonating from within a target, the subtleties of targeting a spread kinetic lances, maneuver for gravity gauge, or an artfully laid killgrid of megaton class self-imploding singularities.

None of this. Along her ventral surface, just forward of her drive shield, a small bay door snaps open and a fraction of second later snaps closed. In that fraction, a small bag is propelled on jet of nitrogen as cold (precisely as cold) as the ambient vacuum. The bag opens, and almost magically continues to open, each fold seeming to occur naturally, until in moments the small bag is a transparent film over a click in diameter.

The film seems to pause, and then stretches as if being tugged on the edge. At the point of maximum tension, the film snaps dissolves utterly. And where the film was, is now a flat cloud of fog that for a moment glints in the dim weapon light. Baby chirps her drive, giving her a minutely different course from the now invisible foglet. A while later the process repeats, and then again. Baby waits, and for every second she waits, her trajectory departs more and more from the three spreading clouds.

Baby waits, and finally spins; she points her tail directly toward the target and lets loose a long burst from her drive. In exactly 46 seconds, oscar-5 will know exactly where she was. But she won't be there.

message-id: [42f0f069b.d752d0d7db110e-A5d0ddd194d4d.004564E].
date: 21 apr 2105 23:22:35 -5461 - [relative].
from: hk-55 [abdelwahab].
to: unif/ussconstitution/tacops/weps [mother].
subject: hey...
content-type: text/plain.
content-transfer-encoding: 2048bit.
authenticator: 53d.b1f0.69e.0a11/word of the day is bitches.
message reads:
weapons away.
range 18.8mclicks/0.75min.
commencing evasive.
Taskgroup 14.9/55 target box patt 5/2
[attachment: tg sensor take mission time 28:27:79]
baby not sure about this one.
[attachment: extract fleet a-2 subagency concl #14-17 report slowmovers]

***

At a minimum, just over ninety-two seconds will elapse before the earliest possible response from oscar could arrive - assuming millisecond reflexes and light speed weapons, which is not an unreasonable assumption at all. Activating her drive again would only create a glowing "you are here" for oscar to vector violent traffic towards her. And given the size of oscar – a small asteroid's worth of mass – molecular assemblers can convert that amount of matter into a truly frightening quantity of weaponry, even in the amount of time that oscar may, or may not have been aware of her and (possibly) the balance of her taskgroup.

True surprise in the strategic sense is difficult to impossible to achieve when war is fought in a completely transparent medium. Given sufficient processing capacity – a fungible commodity even if when strong AI is impossible - and enough eyes, nothing is undetectable. Mass, heat and power all conspire against those who would like to be invisible. Strategic surprise can only be achieved at speeds crowding very close to C.

At such colossal velocities, intelligence of an attacker's existence only just outpaces the attacker itself. That knowledge is necessarily, and drastically, outdated. By the time even an alert defender sees the enemy there, they are already nearly here.

The less energetic the speed, the more difficult it is to gain surprise. However, tactical surprise can be achieved by a clever attacker. Light speed delay provides a lever for wedging the way inside an opponent's decision loop. What the invaders failed to do, and what the fleet had done only weeks before in return was one way to exploit the (mostly) iron laws of causality and observation imposed by the speed of light. Non-relativistic combat required the opposite. By presenting a bewilderingly large array of choices for the enemy to chew on, the gap between action and observation built into the very fabric of spacetime makes it possible to lock an opponent into constantly reorienting to a new conception of the conflict, and never taking effective action.

As baby's drive stabs into the darkness, her fifteen shadows burn to life. Though she didn't feel it, baby's consciousness spread over hundreds of thousands of kilometers.

Ansible links connected her mind with the minds of her drones. Instantaneous (albeit low bandwidth) communication made these far distant parts of her mind effectively closer than parts of her own body. She experienced herself as one, though she and her fifteen skittle drones are farther apart than earth from the rubble of earth's moon. She felt no more spread out than a human feels spread apart by looking out though two eyes or hearing through two ears.

The tiny drones are small versions of the hunter killer whose mind they shared. Narrow, lethal shapes clothed in deepest black. Where the hunter's skin enveloped many complex engines of war, and the capacity to radically alter its form, the drone was relatively simple - a capsule of fuel, a drive made to appear (at a long enough remove) just like an hk's, and everything needful to give the appearance of a much larger warship. The sensors on the skin of the drones were in every respect similar to those on the skin of its parent, and contributed to baby's growing sense of the battlespace.

Sixteen targets might have been a challenge for a mid-twentieth century wet navy warship. But no ship since. Baby's constellation of iridescent commas still shine as she endeavors to be somewhere else.

***

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 2

I Am Everyday People

One of the most maddening things about being a student of history (and I use the word student in the loosest possible sense) is the growing realization that not only is the past gone, much of it is unrecoverable. Historians talk about "facts" as though they were each and every one equal, as though the proceedings of a probate court in colonial Massachusetts are exactly as revealing of a sliver of the past as is a shard of pottery from Padua. This is of course absurd. Without rigorous research to establish context, neither one means a damn thing, and even after research two experts may come to diametrical interpretations. If this weren't the case, would we be still arguing whether slavery was the true root cause of the Civil War? (The answer by the way is "yes," with a "but.")

Worse yet, there's the sense that every day is slipping into the past in large part unrecorded, becoming part of a massive void that ought to- but does not- contain the rich and bloody chronicle of human experience. In this age of email and electronics, even the simple things that historians have always relied upon - like letters, diaries, and so forth - are used less and less in favor of electronic or disposable media that in five years -five years!! - may be unreadable to the casual researcher. We know who Samuel Pepys went to visit 343 years ago yesterday, but the preponderance of my extensive correspondence with my coblogger Buckethead is encoded in an email format proprietary to Juno/United Online.

Which is why projects like the Photovoice project of the Nature Conservancy are so wonderful.

That is all.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1