Dark Forces are Gathering

The only possible explanation for the Red Sox victory today - making them the only team in Baseball history to come back from a three game deficit to force a game seven playoff - is that fate has decided to visit some truly horrific punishment on long suffering Sox fans. After a wild ride, with two calls falling their way, and protection offered by the NYPD, the curse seems to be threatened. But much as I hate and despise the Yankees I also believe that Boston has been singled out for special attention by cruel fortune. They are the anti-chosen people. They will win the next game with the Yankees and advance to the World Series

And then they will lose.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 7

26 Innings in 27 Hours and Two Victories in One Sweet-Ass Monday

And the dead walk still.

Wherever your sympathies may lie, no one can deny that the Red Sox and the Yankees are incapable of playing a boring series. Even though post-season baseball is by nature exciting even when it's boring, like the fairly snoozerific 1997 Indians-Marlins world series. Though I was (and sort of am) an Indians fan at the time, being from Ohio and all (state motto: "Power of Attorney: Totally Gay"), and though I spent most of that series either on the edge of my seat or powerfully medicated with Old English Malt Liquor and 591.471ml intravenous injections of Budweiser, even I can't deny that most of that seven-game-plus-extras series was, incontrovertably, sucky.

(Evidently today I'm doing my best impression of David Eggers doing his best impression of George Will doing his best impression of Hunter Thompson. Wait until I link up the symmetry of the diamond with the demographic composition of the patrons of my local laundromat at lunchtime and filter both through a highball of Wild Turkey. Someone get me an editor! Stat!)

In the space of 27 hours, the Red Sox and Yankees played 26 innings or 10:51 hours of baseball. In the process, they set records for the longest game in ALCS history (five hours, two minutes) and in postseason history (five hours, 49 minutes), used every pitcher on both squads, and made a hero out of a chunky first-baseman who was let go by the Minnesota Twins. Moreover, both games were won by the Red Sox at opposite ends of the same Monday, all with the Yankees up 3 games to none on a series that after Saturday night's 19-8 bloodbath looked as finished as Fredo at the end of Godfather II when he steps into that rowboat.

I am reminded of Golden Age Marvel comics, with the Yankees (of course) in the part of the Ming-collared villain and the Red Sox (natch) as the muscular-yet-sensitive superhero type. According to formula, the good guy gets himself in a bad situation (such as strapped to a torture machine or down 3 games to none in a League Championship), with the bad guy intent on administering the coup de grace. Yadda yadda, evil cackle, and then the inevitable panel of our hero, face contorted in a rictus of pain and Mr. Bad screaming, "Why won't you DIE!?!?" at which time our hero breaks free and whups much ass.

Of course being the postmodernistic sort that I am and a connoiseur of latter-day graphic novel type kiddie entertainments, I am also reminded of that formula, in which our hero's face contorts in a rictus of pain! He breaks free of the machine! He leaps to his feat! The battle is joined!... and he takes a bullet in the chest and dies drowning in his own blood.

I know which scenario is more likely to happen, but I have been soaking in the New England Calvinism long enough to know that, regardless of our knowledge of our own inevitable damnation, hope must spring still that Red Sox Nation is finally among the chosen.

Just because it's part of the liturgy up here were God takes a back seat to David Ortiz, I'm going to say it. Knowing perfectly well that by saying it, I have just jinxed the whole damn enterprise and queered the deal for another season, and knowing perfectly well that tomorrow I'll be back here again contritely apologizing for being so foolish as to get my hopes up that the greatest rivalry in baseball might turn into the greatest story baseball ever told, I'm saying it. This is the year.

[wik] Michael Berube (imagine the accent marks yourself) has an outsider's opinion on the matter.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 9

The power of Google

An Australian Journalist was released by terrorists after they confirmed his identity using Google. Apparently, what they found on the internet convinced his captors that he was not working for the CIA or an American contractor.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

For the week ending 18Oct04

Spotlight Belarus: In keeping with recent refreshing changes in the public discourse of international diplomacy, Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko has determined the American Congress not only to be "stupid", but, "dumb-asses [who] don’t know what they’re doing". The remarks followed Congress' passage of economic sanctions against his "tyrannical" regime. As of this writing, Lukashenko has made no effort to distance himself from the outburst and has not blamed it on being taken out of context or on his Chernobyl-irradiated brainstem.

Spotlight Iraq: Two more men were beheaded in the cradle of civilization, this time two Iraqis. The victims confessed to being intelligence agents and warned their countrymen to eschew collaborating with the Americans. Personally, I would confess to being a whole lot of things if I thought it might keep me my head.

Spotlight Louisiana: A physics professor at the U of LA-Lafayette went buck-nutty on his class, exploding into obscenities, weird drawings on the board, screaming, and even slapping one student, all for no readily apparent reason. Students explained that when he's done this sort of thing before (!), they would just wait and it would pass. This time it didn't pass.

Note to prospective undergraduates: it is absolutely normal for faculty to rant and rave, particularly when denigrating Republicans, certain presidents, national agencies, capitalism, and combat leaders. Had this occurred in a humanities course, I'm not sure anyone would have noticed anything amiss.

Spotlight New York, yo: Former rapper and Boogie Down Productions founder KRS-One declared that he and other black Americans cheered when 9-11 happened. Mr. One tied his remarks to a sense of injustice associated with, as best I can understand his explanation, not being allowed into the Trade Center at some point, which also fed into being oppressed by RCA, BMG, and quite probably The Man himself. He went on to explain that "suicide" is the only answer to America's woes, although what that actually means is left to the reader to wrestle with. As is the question of why anyone would care what KRS-One has to say about much of anything.

Spotlight Massachusesss: Two 14-year-old girls invented a kidnapping story to cover their being out all night. The claim sparked an energetic search for the fabricated scoundrels, which nearly resulted in two arrests. The girls ultimately admitted to the lie and were charged for filing a false police report. Kids, if you're gonna sneak out, have a plan for sneaking back in. I'm thinking more along the lines of a copied key and being aware of the squeaky stair, not a plan that involves the local police, state police, and a regional manhunt.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 4

In Taxi Driver, was Jodie Foster 'Impudent' or 'Brisk'?

In another life I spent alot of my time learning about crime and punishment.

Not firsthand, I hasten to add- I was never convicted, remember. So I didn't have to take Advanced Shiv, the Involuntary Skin Art sequence, or Race Wars I & II. Mine was a purely academic exercise, built around the historical differences between Anglo (-American) and Continental legal systems, and focusing on the English experience with crime. Part of this study included research on the non-care and non-feeding of certain of the Scepter'd Isle's imprisoned underclass.

And this site might have saved me alot of effort: The Proceedings of the Old Bailey is now online with 100,000 indexed, searchable trials dating from the late 17th century through 1834. Some of the original texts appear not to have survived the centuries well, to the point of illegibility, but you don't have to read them to use the site. The Proceedings have been around forever in some form or other, but I cannot overstate the utility of having them together, accessible from anywhere, and searchable.

But besides all that, the entertainment value is great- just as the ancient versions were. The difference though is that today we don't laugh at the condemned, at the horrible form that justice once took. What's amusing is the use of an archaic, flowery language, which moderns associate with humor, to describe actions that were quite serious at the time. Two examples follow:
"31 May 1693: Alice Randall was tried for keeping a disorderly House, and entertaining Evil-disposed Persons therein. The first Evidence Swore, that he went to the House one Evening, and being up Stairs, the Prisoner brought him a brisk young Girl, who presently had the Impudence to pull up her Coats, and laying her hand upon her Belly said, Here's that that will do you good, a Commodity for you, if you'll pay for it you shall have enough of it; with that he took his Cane, and gave her two or three good daubs (as he called them); she was found guilty of the Indictment."

"11 July 1726: Margaret Clap was indicted for keeping a House in which she procur'd and encourag'd Persons to commit Sodomy, on the 10th of December last and before and after. Samuel Stevens thus depos'd. On Sunday Night the 14th of November. I went to the Prisoners House in Field-Lane, Holbourn. I found near Men Fifty there, making Love to one another as they call'd it. Sometimes they'd sit in one anothers Laps, use their Hands indecently Dance and make Curtsies and mimick the Language of Women - O Sir! - Pray Sir! - Dear Sir! Lord how can ye serve me so! - Ah ye little dear Toad! Then they'd go by Couples, into a Room on the same Floor to be marry'd as they call'd it. The Door at that Room was kept by - Ecclestone to prevent any body from balking their Diversions. - When they came out, they used to brag in plain Terms, of what they had been doing, and the Prisoner was present all the Time, except when she went out to fetch Liquors. There was - Griffin among them, who was since hang'd for Sodomy. - And Derwin who had been carried before Sir George Martins for Sodomitical Practices with a Link Boy, he brag'd how he had baffled the Link Boy's Evidence and the Prisoner boasted that what she had said before Sir George, in Derwin's Favour, was a great Means of bringing him off. - I went thither 2 or 3 Sundays following, and found much the same Practices as before. They talk'd all manner of the and most vile Obscenity in her Presence, and she appear'd wonderfully pleas'd with it.
Joseph Sellers depos'd to the same Purpose and added he believ'd there were above 40 Sodomies commited that Night.
The Prisoner in her Defence, said that Darwin was taken up only for a Quarrel and that it ought to be considered, that she was a Woman, and therefore it could not be thought that she would ever be concern'd in such abonsinable Practices. But the Evidence being full and positive, the Jury found her Guilty."

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 2

You are standing in a 10x10 foot room. There is an orc guarding a chest.

By Mordenkainen's beard, Dungeons and Dragons turns 30 this weekend!! Minister GeekLethal has let slip his true geekliness by notifying me of this fact, and submitted a link to a touching reminiscence from some National Review dude that sounds uncannily like my own teenage years.

Wow. When I got into the game, it was barely ten years old, and the "Advanced" game was still in its first edition. I think my grades in Ohio History suffered because of all the time I spent in class poring over the difference between a glaive and a bill hook in "Unearthed Arcana." (My wife just read that previous sentence as "eatoin shrdlu gibber flark Ohio History dang fang artango mash Arcana." But she knew she was marrying a geek and I love her for it.) From time to time D&D stats still bubble up from my unconscious at inopportune moments, like when I'm trying to concentrate on the real-world implications of changes in Social Security indexing. "The answer is GDP + inflation = a THAC0 of 17, Bob."

Now the game is up to Edition 3.5 (.5???), and is owned by big-time toymaker Hasbro, so I suspect it's neither as geeky or as weird as it used to be (not that geeky and weird are aspects of the old rules I necessarily treasure. Could someone please explain to me why becoming a millionaire made a character harder to kill?)

God help us. As NRO guy says, "I've long harbored a secret notion in the back of my mind: Wouldn't it be awesome to get a game going again?" Yes it would, NRO guy. If that asshole from Columbus hadn't stolen every single one of my manuals back in 1996, I'd do it tomorrow. The more I learn about history, geopolitics, economics, human behavior, war, physics, and, hell, everything, the cooler I find the idea of D&D. The older you get, the richer your imaginary worlds become and the less you have to rely on tired Monty Haul crapola to get your characters through a night of role-playing. I would give body parts to set a D&D campaign in a setting adapted from the France of Louis XIV and the thousand little postmedieval German dutchies, now that I have an idea what they were all about.

Of course, the only spaniard in the works is the time commitment. I suppose I could set aside a D&D night like hepper cats do poker night, but I don't think that would work so good what with the being married and all. I cherish my Friday nights with the spouse, even if we're just having a pizza at home, and Mrs. Johno, having never played D&D, is understandably cool to the notion.

I've got it! Here's my plan, and it's a good one and cunning too. A Dungeons and Dragons retirement community. I'll buy the land now and start a normal "retirement village," and when I get close to retirement age market it exclusively to ex-gamers. Think about it. People will live for decades after "retirement" 30 years from now. That means like 20 years to do nothing but sit around and putter with funny dice, drawing on the infinite knowledge and experience of a lifetime to create the greatest campaigns the world has ever known! And, when someone starts to go a little senile, it's cool. They're already living halfway in an imaginary world already! (Was that crass? I think that was crass.) Who here doesn't think my idea is the greatest idea in the history of ideas? Huh? Huh?

Also posted to blogcritics.org, which you will now go read and enjoy in full. That is not a suggestion.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 22

Real actual cake

Not like that fake Entemann's stuff you get on the end-rack in the bread aisle. Or that stuff they fed you from a sheet pan in grade school. The real, butter-egg-sugar stuff the French still know how to do, frosted with more butter and sugar and packed with knee-buckling flavor.

I'm talking about the Blogcritics Debate series, which wrapped up this week with a barnburner between Congressional candidate from the Ohio 16th Jeff Seeman and noted conservative pundit and bigmouth John Hawkins. Go see what it's like when atual issues, policy points, and world views are put to the test! In between sniping and snarking, a lot of great stuff got said.

Also well worth your time are the previous debates, between Green Natalie Davis and Libertarian Mike Kole (Melt guns to make composters! No! Melt composters to make guns!), and between blogger Michele Catalano and novelist/gadfly Neal Pollack. Read them all and feel your brain swell with extra smarts and other wholesome stuff. Like cake.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Curious

People are looking at whether Kerry might not have initially been honorably discharged. Kerry still hasn't signed his form 180, which would release the 100 pages of documents that the Naval Personnel Office says it still has and either dismiss or support these allegations.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Would Cigars and Leashes be Appropriate Gifts?

Congratulations to Lynndie England, who has just given birth to a bouncing baby boy.

I wonder if during family photo time, it ever crosses Lynndie's mom's mind to have her daughter "do the Lynndie?" Or does she just die a little more inside each time she thinks of what her daughter is famous for?

[wik] But hey-- look at the bright side... the kid will never be hard up for Show 'n' Tell material!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 3