perfidy

I have been meme tagged by Princess Cat. I am enjoined to reveal my five weirdest habits. This presents a problem for me, given that by some estimations (my wife's, for example) all my habits are weird. By my estimation, none are. How can anything I do be weird. Weird, almost by definition, is what other people do. So, here I will attempt to figure out what my five weirdest habits are.

• Habit the first: I am absent minded, from a long line of absent minded forebears. This has, on occasion, caused me great consternation when I forget to bring along things like wallets, ID badges for work, cell phones, etc. To attempt to forestall this, I have developed a mantra that I must recite every time I leave the house. The Mantra contains everything I might need to survive outside the house. If I am interrupted, I must start the Mantra over or forget something. The Mantra also includes visual effects as I pat various pockets and bags to determine that the named items are in fact on my person.
• Habit the second: I am a fairly particular person. Once I determine the best, or most efficient means of doing something, I will do it that way forevermore. People have often said that I don't try new things. This isn't true – I regularly go through periods of experimentation to determine the optimal solutions to things. Then, I stick with the winner. For example, with spaghetti sauce, the experimentation phase lasted decades until I found the sweet basil marinara flavor. Now I only use that. Other things that have been decided include toothpaste brand and flavor, ketchup, steak sauce, soy sauce, bread, cracker, snack food, pizza toppings, milk, sausage, bacon, soap, shampoo, and many, many others. This creates a bit of a minefield for my wife, as buying the wrong thing can be disastrous. The only things that have not settled down, despite decades of experimentation, are shaving cream and jam.
• Habit the third: I order cheeseburgers plain, even though I will always add ketchup; and enjoy lettuce, tomatoes, and a few other additions. I do this to avoid any chance of mustard being placed on my cheeseburger.
• Habit the fourth: I sleep with a pillow over my head. But not just any pillow. It has to be an old down feather pillow that, through the years, has lost about half its feathers. A partially filled feather pillow still has some heft to it, yet is supremely moldable. It will conform perfectly to the shape of my lumpen head. Among the countless reasons that I hate summer, high in the rankings is the fact that if it is too hot I can't sleep with a pillow on my head due to heat dissipation concerns.
• Habit the fifth: According to my wife, most of my weirdness lies in how I sleep. The aforementioned pillow on the head is only part of the weirdness. I also have a banky. Not in the security blanket sense. I have a blanket that I love, because of its tactile features. It is an old fleece blanket, of the type where one side is smooth, and the other nubbly. In most fleece blankets, the nubbly side is very soft. But if you keep one of these around for a decade, and wash it frequently, then the nubbly side gets a little more, uh, nubbly. Verging on, but not quite getting to scratchy. A surface that is rough and soft at the same time. I love that. And I only have one blanket that has been aged to that sublime perfection. Therefore, it is my banky. The pillow and the banky are the two biggest parts of my sleep temperature regulation scheme. Normal blankets on the lower part of my body, banky around the shoulders, and pillow on the head. If I get too warm, I can stick a toe out from under the lower blankets. Or lift an arm and get a bit of fresh air into the torso region. Or move my head to allow more heat to radiate. Subtle adjustments can keep me perfectly comfortable all night. You may call it weird, I call it comfortable and efficient.

I generally don't ask other people to participate in memes. So if you feel like it, go right ahead and pretend that I asked you.

[wik] Last week, my son was sick with the flu. Desperate for comfort, he asked his mom for Daddy's special banky.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Star Wars Wiki. See you in several hours when you emerge.

Keith at Sortapundit is gearing up to do the very dumbest fun thing I've ever heard of: drive the Mongol Rally. Participants must first donate a bunch of money to Send a Cow, a charity that, erm, Sends Cows to needy African families, and then drive from the west coast of Europe to Ulaan Bataar in Eastern Mongolia in a car with a total engine displacement of less than 1000ccs or less. Which is tiny, especially for the mountains and deserts of central Asia while pursued by enraged highwaymen in CIA surplus white SUVs waving AK-47s.

So, he's got the tin cup out and is rattling it around and why not head over there, read up on the stupid hijinks this moron Brit is cooking up, and kick in a fivespot or so to help him cover the costs. And maybe buy him a helmet.

[wik] Buckethead adds: I have been offered a place in the boot of their car. I have to supply my own beer, though. I don't think they realize that the combined weight of a moderately large Buckethead and his beer supply would have a deleterious effect on a 1000cc engine's ability to accelerate on anything but a downhill pitch.

John of Texas Best Grok has once again prodded and poked me (metaphorically, of course. Not that there's anything wrong with that) insisting that I suck the crack pipe that is Civilization even deeper than ever before.

Okay then. Online Civ. This will probably wreck my marriage. But: anyone who would like to join John and I in an online and supremely nerdly contest of strategic acumen, email me and we'll do this thing. For an idea of what it might be like, read this fictionalized but yet truer than true visualization from our own, dear, Geeklethal:

G33kL3th4l > I need iron. Who has iron?

John0 > I got 99 problems, but iron ain’t one.

G33kL3th4l > Wha u want trade for iron?

8ucketH3D > Johno, I’ll trade you not kicking your ass for not giving GL iron.

G33kL3th4l > wtf did I do?

John0 > You don’t know me I do what I want

8ucketH3D > J as soon as he has iron he builds Legions and he’s gonna march them up your ass

G33kL3th4l > wtf bitch let him trade what he wants and I can’t even build Legions yet and you have fucking ironclads fielded

The Dog Genome Project is powering ahead, hoping to divine the secrets contained within doggie DNA. This is actually pretty interesting - dogs are unique critters in so many ways, because of their thousands of years of alliance with us, and because of the effects of selective breeding over most of that period. No animal has the range of variation that dogs do - from chihuahuas to St. Bernards, from short haired dobs to long-haired afghans. And not just physical variation - the difference in temperaments found in German Shepherds, Terriers and Retrievers is striking to say the least.

Researchers have catalogued the genome of Tasha, a boxer, and are publishing the results in Nature. Earlier victims include Genome Project scientist Craig Venter's pet shadow, as well as eight other breeds and samples from a gray wolf and a coyote.

As a result [of the large differences between breeds], some breeds are predisposed to conditions such as heart disease, cancer, or blindness, and identifying genes responsible for diseases or traits should be much easier to do in dogs than man.

The sequence of 2.4 billion DNA "letters" records the genetic recipe, or genome, of the domestic dog (Canis familiaris), which consists of 19,300 genes - roughly the same number as that found in people. The team also sampled the genetic recipes of 10 dog breeds, the grey wolf and the coyote, pinpointing 2.5 million differences in a single "letter" of genetic code, which serve as signposts to physical and behavioural traits, as well as diseases.

...By tracking evolution's genetic footprints through the dog, human and mouse genomes, the scientists found that humans share more ancestral DNA with dogs than with mice, confirming that dog genes can be used to understand human disease. They also found that selective breeding has shuffled large blocks of DNA code among dog breeds, which should make it easier to find the genes responsible for body size, behaviour and disease.

Soon, we should be able to purchase glow in the dark accessory poodles for nitwitted bimbo celebrities. But more important, with the knowledge gained we may be able to design superior fighting dogs to help us in the coming war with the giant fighting robots. We can count on the allegiance of the canines - they've stuck with us this long. The cats, though - I'm not so sure about them. They'll probably be the first to welcome our new robot overlords, so long as they can eat the scraps after the robots destroy us.

Johno didn't tag me, the bastard, but its been eating away at my brain and so here is my sevens thing, for your edification and (hopefully) amusement:

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Found and operate a bookstore/bar named the "First Federal Bar, Grill and Seminar.
2. Get a novel or non-fiction book published.
3. Jump out of an airplane.
4. Become curmudgeonly.
5. Become the all-being, master of time, space and dimension.
6. Then go to Europe.
7. Walk on the moon.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Play basketball.
2. Bake Bread.
3. Focus.
4. Remember what I'm supposed to do without a list.
5. Fly.
6. Paint.
7. Sing.

Seven things that attract me to my best friend:

1. I am not so judgmental that I would put one friend above another.
2.  
3.  
4.  
5.  
6.  
7.  

Seven things I say most often:

1. “Just a minute!”
2. “What?”
3. “That's weird” (this is only at work)
4. “No.” (to son)
5. “No.” (to wife)
6. “No!” (to dog)
7. So this one time, at band camp…”

Seven books (or series) I love:

1. The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien
2. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (and part of Time Enough for Love) by R. Heinlein
3. Good Omens by N. Gaiman and T. Pratchett
4. Dune, by F. Herbert
5. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
6. The Stars My Destination, by A. Bester
7. Leaves of Grass, by W. Whitman

Seven movies I watch over and over again:

1. Incredibles
2. Monsters, Inc.
3. Iron Giant
4. Finding Nemo
5. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
6. Nightmare Before Christmas
7. Some stupid Thomas the Train Engine Movie

Seven movies I would watch over and over again, if my son wasn't watching one of the movies listed above:

1. The Blues Brothers
2. Tombstone
3. Animal House
4. Galaxy Quest
5. Blade Runner
6. Fifth Element
7. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Go read Joe Lieberman's oped in the Wall Street Journal. It's a good read. Pulling out of Iraq now - or even declaring a hard timetable for withdrawal - would be stupidity of the worst kind. Those who argue for it constantly proclaim that Iraq is a quagmire, a Vietnam. While simultaneously doing anything in their power to ensure that it does. Remarks like those from DNC Chair Howlin' Mad Dean the other day, saying that there's no way we can win - this on the eve of important elections in Iraq - are, if not treason, colossally defeatist and wrongheaded.

While I was for the libervasion of Iraq from time immemorial, not everyone agreed. That's fine. Even if, like Johno, you are a little iffy on the reasons we went into Iraq, and unsure whether it's all worth it; the only sane way to look at it is that we are there now, and must craft a policy that maximizes our chances of success. As Johno said, "You break it, you bought it." Immediate pullout is the farthest from that ideal as I can imagine. Especially considering that we are closer to success now than at any point since 2003. Withdrawing our troops, and allowing the collapse of the provisional government would sacrifice any credibility we have in international affairs. America's ability to accomplish anything significant, let alone worthwhile, would be gone for the forseeable future. Of course, if that is your goal, then a lot of this posturing makes sense.

I was walking over to the post office on 14th street, and my eye was caught by this ridiculous building.

Whatever possessed the architect to include one (1) column, and that at the very top of the building? Hey! It's classical! Of course, he got the proportions of the column wrong. And it's stupid. Neoclassical design can result in some impressive, and beautiful buildings. This is just neostalinist pancake architecture lite. Crap.

Now that the National Novel Writing Month is over, by more than a week, I propose the Procrastinator's National Novel Writing Month, which shall last until further notice. Now that that administrivia is out of the way, on to the status of my novel. Before the end of November, I had actually finished an additional five thousand words beyond the 4300 or so I had already posted. As the deadline approached, and dark forces beyond my control converged upon me, I realized that I had made a great mistake. Several, actually.

First, I picked as my topic something that required altogether too much thought. The storyline involves several things that I have been thinking about for a long time, and therefore wanted to get exactly right – details of space combat, to be sure; but also issues revolving around the singularity, artificial intelligence and the nature of first contact. Getting things exactly right does not interact well with wanting to get it done in thirty days.

Second, I started an impossible recursive exercise wherein the things I wrote in the five thousand words I didn't post required changes in the four thousand I did, and vice versa, ad infinitum. I have largely resolved those issues now, but now is December.

Third, I picked the wrong month to write a novel in. A variety of outside influences militated strongly against any possibility of finishing the novel in the agreed framework. Work, vacations, and finally solo child rearing while my wife was in Kansas are all killer when you're trying to write.

Fourth, I procrastinated. Not as much as you'd think, but I didn't make terribly efficient use of what time I did have.

Now that I have resolved most of my philosophical difficulties, and now that many of the other impediments have at least lessened, I plan to start posting the rest of what I've written, and move on to finish the story. I plan on getting the up over ten thousand words posted within a week or so, and somewhere in the neighborhood of a thousand words a week thereafter until the damn thing is done.

As for the fate of baby, I'm not altogether sure what will happen in the end, but at least I know how it will happen.

Thanks all for your patience, and the kind words you've already given.

Before I start though, I'm gonna go read Ian's forklift racing story.

Like myself, of course.

A nuclear device detonated at an altitude of a couple hundred miles over the middle of the United States would essentially drop us back into the pre-industrial age. EMP, or electro-magnetic pulse, is a well known effect of high altitude nuclear explosions. The result is that electrical and electronic equipment gets fried. Without electronic and electrical equipment, we have... nothing. Given that over the last fifty years, every article of technology we have has become deeply intertwined with electronics, removing all that juicy, productivity and life enhancing stuff leaves us with what we had in, say, 1800. In 1945, we would have been much safer from EMP, given that most of our industrial infrastructure was mechanical, and not so vulnerable. Now, only the most heavily shielded electronics would survive. The effect will hit even deeply buried electronics, and having something turned off is no protection either, since the pulse naturally effects the wiring - the fact that there is power in it or not is irrelevant.

All ill-intentioned non-denominational agrarian reformers need to commit this perfidy on the peace loving folk of our nation is:

• A nuclear device, available at special terms from the worker's paradise of North Korea,
• A medium range ballistic missile, such as a Scud, of which there are thousands throughout the world,
• A moderately large freighter, to get within a hundred miles or so of the American Coast, and provide a stable launch platform, and
• The aformentioned ill intentions

An attack of this nature could conceivably cause vastly greater casualties than exploding the same device in, say, downtown Manhattan. While the immediate casualties resulting from an EMP blast might be as low as zero, the after-effects would be horrific in the extreme as all of our distribution, communication and power systems are knocked completely out. Imagine New Orleans after Katrina, nationwide. The worst thing about New Orleans was the fact that thanks to its geographical isolation, it was difficult to get aid into the city effectively. When everyone is out, things could get very bad.

The loss of food distribution, in particular, would be the most dire possibility. With vehicles no longer working, food stays in warehouses. And no major city is more than three days from starvation, thanks to the large scale implementation of highly efficient, but fragile just-in-time inventory schemes. Everyone is without power, and the capacities of work crews to fix things would be swiftly overwhelmed. So you have Katrina combined with the great blackout.

One thing that would still work though, is guns. Make of that what you will.